2025: A Year of Growth, Loss & Change
- Dec 30, 2025
- 5 min read
Please enjoy these images from my winter hibernation collage process. These pieces are visuals of some of my most poignant experiences this year. For a more in depth narrative, a list of the books I read and recommend and a look at what's coming in 2026, scroll down...
Reviewing the seasons of 2025 I am reminded of:
The two glorious months we spent at 7,800 feet above the sea in Kirkwood, CA where we experienced over 100’ of powder. I became a student of the mountain and raw elements as I finally learned to ski powder. My days were similar to horse shows as I rose early, prepped my body and mind for increased adrenaline and cortisol, dressed for the elements, ate with long term fuel in mind and got out there for the first chair as often as possible. I learned to float and gently hop in the fall line of steep and deep powder stashes. I skied until my body begged me to stop and rested while working remotely with clients as the afternoon faded. It was a magical winter! I learned to be with the moment of the weather, the short days, and listen to my body. Meditation was life and I was in as present-focused a mindset as I have even been.
Returning to life in civilization with Wonder as my daily practice I was able to bring a revised simplicity to our rides. Long walks focused on connection and engaging his hind end to build strength, trotting poles for balance and climbing hills with rhythm in mind filled our days.
Summer was filled with a blend of building my Equine Experiences offerings on the ranch at Jaz Creek as well as the planning and execution of a throw down shindig wedding for my younger daughter and her beloved on his mom’s gorgeous west Petaluma land. I facilitated my first Bachelorette Bridal Equine Experience event as a prelude to the wedding festivities. Among the many gifts we received from this event of blending tribes, dancing love into the future, and witnessing commitment
was that my 92 year old mama made it! The matriarch was present for the event which unintentionally became an extraordinary family reunion!
A month after the wedding my mama’s health took a nose dive as her heart began to fail. I spent the rest of 2025 escorting her out of this life. It was probably one of the hardest and most honorable things I have ever done. I was her person through much of the machinations of her end of life journey along with my wonderful sister, brother, husband, and dog. We lived in a bubble between life and death for months. We had returned to some kind of revised family system as we went between basking in memories and family lore and health crises during which I learned to administer meds, support mom with dark of the night emotions, and the releasing from this realm to the great beyond. In the m
idst of all this she shared that the wedding had also been her inadvertent funeral and she felt complete, leaving a lineage of people she loves and respects. She died peacefully with all of us at her side on 11/12/25. Her last words were, “Remember to focus on the positive.” We are trying!
Now we are students of grief. It has been the darkest and most challenging December of my life. We gathered as a family and dismantled mom’s life from within her beautiful, art curated home. We had a celebration of life with all the grandchildren and great grandchildren. The hardest part was leaving, coming home to this life that does not include my mom in physical form anymore. Honestly, spending time with Wonder has been incredibly healing. He reminds me that we let go of those who leave and somehow they live through and around us. Wonder helps me tap into the elusive wisdom and knowledge stored in me from a lifetime of learning and that is hard to access in the darkness.
I am compelled to continue this collaboration with Wonder and the other amazing horses at Jaz Creek in 2026 with Bachelorette Bridal Equine Experiences, Individual and small group Creative Equine Experiences, and personal growth path creative workshops alongside my one-on-one sport consulting practice.
I am trying to get to know my experience of grief more intimately. I will go slowly this year as I become a woman in a different realm than my mama. Perhaps there is room in my Equine Experience work for the grief process with others as well.
Collaging has helped me better understand the layers of pain, confusion, growth, and grief I have been experiencing. I woke up inspired to write this blog today after feeling blocked creatively for months. I strongly encourage a New Year collage as part of moving into the new and releasing that which no longer serves into the past. The practice comes with no clear intentions other than a desire to engage with images, scissors, glue/rubber cement, markers/paint and paper.
Books I have been moved by this year:
By: Stephen Peters
The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss
Mary-Frances O'Conner
By Amitav Ghosh
By: Anna Lembke
By: Miranda July
By: Amy Larocca
By: Tracey Marks
By: Ezra Klein, Derek Thompson
By: Steve Magness
By: Mel Robbins
Things I have learned as a Grandmala this year:
Be consistent and show up without overextending myself.
Meet my grandson where he is; no need to have an external agenda.
Toy trucks, sand play, physical movement, kinesthetic exploration and putting simple words to experience is enough.
Always have healthy snacks available.
Trust his parents to make the decisions. Be available to be a sounding board. Remain neutral and curious.
Let love be the center of all we do together!
2026 Intentions and Offerings:
Welcome grandson #2 on my birthday in May!
Expand my Creative Equine Experiences offerings to include: individual sessions, group workshops & ritual experiences (like bachelor/ette, showers, birthdays, coming of age, etc)
Private Sport & Psychological Consulting Sessions
Complete a draft of The MindZone Book: Stories From My Life With Horses
Continue Ayurveda-focused eating and health practices
Strongly consider a few more horse shows with Wonder!
Go slowly
Make a today, to do lists regularly
Connect with people who are curious and stimulating
Practice becoming a matriarch
Lead with my heart, listen to my gut, and synthesize it all with my head!
Please feel free to respond to this update with questions, comments, or requests. I welcome ongoing conversation around common interests and inquiries.
With love and hopes for a Happy New Year of the Horse to all,
Carrie
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